A Wolf's Tale: Leah's Story
by CereuleanBlue
Summary: Leah leaves La Push forever, running away from the only life she's ever known into the unknown and the unexpected. Rated M for adult content and situations. AU Lemons and future femslash
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I started this story as the back story of a character I was playing in RP, working under the assumption that Leah would be a different person if she ever managed to get away from the pack. This story is AU before Breaking Dawn when the La Push pack (including Jacob) was still completely under the control of Sam. Feel free to follow me on twitter CereuleanBlue to keep up with progress on updates and such. **

**=x=x=x=**

Chapter 1

"What if I wanted to break, laugh it all off in your face? What would you do?  
What if I fell to floor, couldn't take this anymore? What would you do?"  
-30 Seconds to Mars, The Kill

=x=x=x=

I sat in the woods, haunches cushioned by the innumerable layers of pine needles that lined the Earth below me, listening and waiting. He was coming. I could feel him with all my five senses – smell and taste him on the wind, hear the rustle of leaves moving around his feet, feel the vibrations of his movement from the forest floor – and a deeper sixth sense that no one who hasn't howled at the full moon would be able to understand.

Sam and I were eternally a pair of magnets, attracting and repulsing as our moods and situations changed. There were moments that just being near him was torturous, both physically and mentally, and the horrific thing about it all was that they all knew. I couldn't keep the rest of the pack out of my head, and I certainly couldn't control my thoughts in such close proximity to him.

The alternating pity and disgust that flowed from them contributed to my feeling like an outsider, which, as the only female in the pack, I already was. So I'd taken to volunteering to do the early morning patrols on my own, while the boys sat around Emily's kitchen table, the last place on Earth I ever wanted to be, eating whatever she'd cooked for breakfast that morning.

I could smell the blueberry muffins on Sam's breath as he approached, sickly sweet in comparison to the damp Earthy smells of the forest around me, but I couldn't hear his thoughts in his human form. I stood quickly, padding over to where he approached, shrinking away from his hand as he reached out to me, his once familiar touch now nothing but a reminder of all the things I would never have.

"Leah…," he began, running a hand through his hair, looking down to his feet. I could hear something in his voice that sent my heart reeling towards the pit of my stomach.

I backed away from him with a whine, sinking back onto my haunches in the small clearing, knowing that whatever was about to come out of his mouth was something I definitely didn't want to hear. Not that good news ever really came from Sam in regard to me.

He watched me, carefully considering his words. I knew that expression well; I'd seen it a million times before. He was trying to figure out how to soften a blow. A low growl rumbled in my chest as I watched him.

He glared at me, the alpha blazing out of his eyes and resonating in the words he spoke. "Leah, I can't talk to you like this. Phase…"

I fought it with everything in me, hating to submit to him, but my instincts won out, my wolf sinking into the recesses of my mind and returning to her cage. My body twisted and changed, long, black hair replacing gray fur and flowing down to cover my bare shoulders. I stared at him for a moment, not speaking, just letting my eyes bore into his, my gaze conveying my feelings better than my words ever could. I had never been good with words anyway. My life had been more about action and reaction.

"Just spit it out Sam, and let me get back to being alone." I practically growled the words at him, putting emphasis on the word alone, knowing that I was doing nothing more than rubbing salt in both of our wounds. Misery loves company.

I could see the sting of my words in his expression, and it gave me a kind of sick satisfaction to know that I could still hurt him. God knows, everything he ever did seemed to hurt me.

He froze, giving me some space as he spoke. "I just wanted to tell you… I mean…" His fingers knotted and twisted together as he tried to piece together the words he needed.

I simply watched, not speaking as he suddenly looked up, just giving up on being subtle and letting his words fly. "I asked Emily to marry me last night."

The word "marry" stick in my throat, choking me. As if it weren't hard enough watching the two of them be happy together every single day, while I was acutely alone. It had driven me to such new depths of bitchiness that I couldn't even stand to be around my own mother and brother, and I'd moved to my dad's old fishing cabin out in the woods, where everything was a daily reminder of how much I missed him.

I swallowed hard, finding my voice suddenly. "Fantastic. Congratulations… Let me know if you need a flower girl." I punctuated the last sentence with a bitter laugh. "What did the rest of the pack say?"

Sam folded his arms across his chest, staring me down. "I haven't told the rest of them yet. I wanted to make sure you were alright with everything first."

Feeling the anger flare up within me, I turned on him suddenly. "You wanted to make sure I was alright?" I took one step towards him, wanting nothing more than to wrap my fingers around his throat. "No, I'm fucking not alright, Sam. I'm not alright with my cousin having the only thing I ever thought was mine." My eyes locked onto his, unable to fight the single traitor tear that rolled down my cheek.

Sam approached me, hesitantly at first, his steps faltering, but as the distance between us closed, the gravitational force pulling us together increased exponentially. Before I even realized what was going on, my hands were tangled in his hair, and his lips were pressed against mine in a kiss that could have set fire to the woods around us.

Some tiny part of my brain protested that this was wrong, that I needed to stop right now before something happened that I would regret. That part of my brain was easily stifled by the sensations that his body against mine woke up for the first time in months. My rational mind flew to pieces, while the animal inside me roared to the surface.

His hands wrapped around my back, pulling my body against his, the heat pouring through his clothes in waves and warming my skin that had been chilled from the damp morning air. We stumbled backwards for a moment before my back found one of the trees that edged the clearing, the rough bark scratching against me, waking up my lust-soaked brain for less than half a second.

In that half a second, I considered just how wrong all this was, before the wolf inside me took over, hands ripping the thin cotton shirt that he wore and dropping it to the ground beside him. Our kiss grew deeper, his hands sliding down over my body, knowing from experience exactly where to go. I'd forgotten how much I missed him, turned my longing into a thinly veiled hatred, but the need for him was never buried very deep.

My fingers shakily made their way down to the button on his pants, as his lips moved from my mouth down to my neck. He always knew how to push my buttons just the right way to get a response out of me, his hand sliding slowly down my stomach, until he reached just the right button. I was lost for good then, my head leaning back against the tree, relying on the pressure of Sam's body against mine for my only support, his fingers exploring me as his teeth came down on the skin of my shoulder, right on the scar from where he had marked me when we were teenagers, before I had ever phased for the first time.

I moaned out loud, the sound surprising even myself and interrupting the quiet around us, when he pressed his fingers into my core, pushing upward suddenly, so that my nails dug into his back at the shock of it.

His lips found my earlobe, and his warm breath hissed past my ear as he whispered, "Fuck, Leah…. I've fucking missed you," his fingers curling inside of me, knowing me too well for my own good.

I couldn't find words for the million things running through my head, but my body had its own response, telling him in an unmistakable way just how much it had missed him. My hands slid up into his hair, fisting and pulling his lips back to mine. I pulled his lower lip between my teeth, biting down until I tasted blood, warm and metallic across my tongue. He groaned, pressing his fingers into me even more deeply when my nails drug across his back, leaving angry red marks in their wake.

Sam's chest pinned me against the tree as he pulled his fingers from me, bringing them up to his mouth with a growl as he licked them clean, staring into my eyes. My own tongue flicked out, swiping across my lips, and he pulled me back into the kiss. Tasting myself on him always drove me crazy, yet another button that only he knew perfectly well how to push.

His hands slid down to my ass, pulling me up and guiding my legs around his waist, the tree scratching against my back roughly as he thrust up in to me. My breath caught in my throat, coming out finally in a moan as my head fell against his shoulder, teeth dragging across his skin roughly, wanting to mark him in some indelible way. Sam growled into my ear as my teeth ripped the skin at the base of his neck, drawing blood again, thrusting into my more fiercely than before.

Using his hips to press me up against the tree, his hands left my body, finding my wrists and pinning them above me on the tree with one hand while the other wrapped around my throat, pressing my head back against the bark, and there he had me with no control whatsoever. I hated and loved it at once. One part of me found the alpha in him incredibly attractive; the she wolf submitted to that willingly. The human part of me hated letting the one person who had destroyed everything I'd ever wanted have any ounce of control over anything that I did, much less my body in this way.

The wolf won out, like she usually did. With my heart and mind in the shape they were in, I hadn't had control over her in a long time.

My eyes closed, all the feelings of Sam's body against mine, his hands on my wrists and throat, the park of the tree scraping roughly against my back, his hips slamming into mine furiously, combined to send me spiraling over the edge. My cries echoed through the trees, sending small animals scattering and running for their dens, the predator evident in my voice as I screamed his name.

Sam wasn't far behind. I could feel the way his cock twitched and he groaned, like he always had. Letting my hands and throat go so that I collapsed into him as he thrust into me one final time, groaning into my ear before, releasing the pressure on my hips and letting me bring my legs down to stand again.

The instant my feet hit the ground, I was flooded with guilt. If I hadn't known Sam better, I would have thought he'd planned this whole thing, but I knew he would feel just as bad as I did about the whole thing. Even that couldn't stop me from hating him for it.

"Fuck you," I spat, turning on heel to leave the clearing, phasing in my anger, bones twisting and reshaping in the length of one stride. I howled and ran for my cabin in the woods, knowing he could follow me but knowing just as well that he wouldn't.

When I got home, I found myself pacing across the porch for god only knew how long, trying to process what had just happened. There was no way I was going to be able to keep this out of my mind, no way the others would never find out. I should just ask Jake to kill me now, save Emily the trouble later when one of them finally tells her what a whore of a first cousin she had.

I pushed the animal back into its cage again, knowing that I needed a drink, and walking into the house, pulling a bottle of tequila from its spot in the freezer where my dad had left it. He always kept the one bottle hidden here from my mother. I hadn't touched it since he'd died, like it was the one reminder I'd had of him, but I needed something to kill the feelings that rumbled around inside of my brain, so that I could think.

The first mouthful was like swallowing fire, and I gagged, coughing as it went down. The next was easier, my tongue and throat already tingling from the feeling of the first. I figured this was as close to poison as I was going to get, as I felt the alcohol soak into my system. I paced the floor, considering my options. I could always leave, I thought as I passed a mirror and saw the dark crest tattooed onto my shoulder, the constant reminder that in one way or another I still belonged to him.

My vision swam red at the thought, and the tequila and the wolf mixed in my blood, sending me running to the bedroom for my father's hunting knife. Taking it into the bathroom, I stood in front of the sink, tracing the outline of the ink with the tip of the blade, my head reeling from the alcohol. Biting down on my lip, I dug the point of the blade into my skin, watching the blood roll out of the wound, tequila and adrenaline numbing the pain. A groan escaped my lips as I steeled myself, knowing that I needed to remove his mark from my skin and my heart permanently.

When it was done, I sank to my knees on the floor, knocking the bottle I'd brought into the room with me off the counter, my eyes closing and the world around me fading into black.


	2. Chapter 2

"I know the reason you're running scared

I met the monster inside your head

You'll never know the feeling of being yourself

It's not enough, it never stops coming,

It's not enough so take a breath, say goodbye."

~Sick Puppies – "Monster"

-x-x-x-x-

I woke on the cold tile, drenched and surrounded by shards of the bottle of tequila that had crashed to the floor with me, my head throbbing with each heartbeat. The earlier part of the day was a blur in my memory, my head still swimming as I tried to slowly rise from the floor. The world seemed to be on a crazy tilt, and my stomach rebelled, emptying the remaining liquid that offended it in a matter of seconds.

I rose unsteadily to my feet, something in my reflection catching my attention immediately, the notable absence of the black ink that had owned the upper part of my arm for the better part of a year. In its place a thin film of pink skin lay, the scarring that would remain with me for the rest of my life already evident around the jagged edge. I traced my finger around it carefully, noting how sensitive it was to even the lightest touch. Wincing, I dropped my hand to my side, my mind racing.

Running my hand through my hair, it caught in a sticky mass of my own blood, congealed and drying where my head had landed on my arm when I fell. Pulling my hand away, I decided a shower would be the best thing I could possibly do at the moment. I opened the door, climbing in with a groan at the tension in my muscles, mind still dancing as I turned on the water, letting it hit me and wash the muck from my body, wishing my memories could follow the bloody water down the drain.

I had to leave, had to get away from this place, not knowing or really caring where I wound up as long as it was as far as possible from here. Climbing out of the shower, I made my way to the bedroom, wrapping a towel around my still dripping body. One glance out the window, told me it was night, long past sunset judging by the quiet sounds of the animals outside. The still rational part of my brain suggested that it might be a good idea to wait until the sun was at least up to leave, and I sank back onto the bed, drying my hair with the towel and weighing my options.

I'd only ever known one person who made it off the reservation for good, and she was hundreds of miles away in Hawaii. While Hawaii didn't seem nearly far enough from this place in my mind, it was a lot farther than I could ever swim, and my total lack of finances prohibited any other kind of transportation.

I searched through my clothes, finding a pair of faded blue jeans and an old Superman t-shirt I'd had since high school. The soft cotton was soothing and comfortable against my skin as I curled up on the bed, pulling the quilt around me to ward off the chill of the night air against my still damp skin and settling in to sleep.

-x-x-x-

I woke to the sunrise shining through my window, the birds and other animals rising, chirping noises drifting in to assault my ears and still pounding head. The familiar scent of Seth, a mixture of our childhood home and the cologne he'd only recently taken to wearing, drifted to meet me, hearing his feet on the front steps long before he ever knocked on the door. I could picture him standing on the steps, gathering up the courage to even attempt to speak with me, and I was certain I knew what it was about.

I got up off the bed, bare feet hitting the cold wood floor, and took my time getting to the door. I wanted to see no one today, especially not my brother, and when I peeked around the corner of the door, he looked about equally as happy to see me.

"Well, you look like shit, big sis." He pushed open the door a little more, and I moved, wordlessly, letting him into the living room and closing the door behind him. He plopped onto the couch, picking up the remote, turning on the television and flipping through channels.

The noise from the TV irritated my already clouded brain, and I snapped, "What the fuck do you want, Seth?" running a hand through my hair to brush it out of my face, glaring at him.

He was so used to my outbursts that his glance didn't even stray from the television as he spoke, "Nothing except an explanation about why you're trying to fuck up everyone's life around here…" He trailed off, finally daring to look at me, letting me read everything I needed to know in his expression. Obviously, he and the rest of the pack knew what had happened yesterday. There was no way to keep it from them once Sam shifted, and I felt suddenly exposed, even my own brother had his judgment written clearly across his face.

Something inside me snapped then, letting the dam holding back my emotions break and flooding me with everything I'd been trying to keep at bay for months now. The tears flowed, hot and salty, across my cheeks, and I turned away from Seth, not wanting anyone to see me like this, willing anger to take over the empty space inside my heart instead. Wiping my face, I felt the heat of the rage burning through my chest and into my face, painting my cheeks red as I turned back to face him.

"I think everyone is doing a pretty good job of fucking their own lives up around here without my help," my voiced raised to nearly a shout as I replied.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Leah. This has got to be just about the lowest thing you've ever done, and that's saying a lot for you." He kept his voice even, staring me down.

My heart fell in my chest at his words, and I wanted to lash out, to hurt him badly. "Save it for someone else, Seth," I pulled my sleeve up, exposing the healing skin to him with blazing eyes. "I'm done anyway. I was only waiting til this morning to get the hell out of this place anyway."

The shock that read across his face when he realized what I'd done was priceless. For the first time in his life, my little brother was speechless. His jaw moved soundlessly for a moment as he stared. I dropped the sleeve, stalking over to the back of the couch to pop him in the back of the head. "Did you hear me? I'm out of here…"

The slap brought him to his senses as he stammered, "B.. but, where are you going, Lee?" His voice suddenly sounded lost and alone, the little boy who had gotten separated from his mother.

"Anywhere but here, Seth. I can't do it anymore. I shouldn't have to. Just do me a favor, and don't tell any of them until tonight. I don't want them coming after me. Ok?" I looked imploringly into his eyes, wanting something of the bond we'd had once upon a time to at least give me this much. I knew his loyalty lay with Sam in the long run, things were too far gone in between us to ever expect him to put me before the pack. "They won't miss me anyway. I should have gone a long time ago, and we both know it."

The resignation spread slowly over his face, and he simply nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I can give you until after school about five o'clock, Lee. I've got patrols with Jake then. Will that be long enough?"

I sighed, knowing I couldn't ask for more than that and nodded in return. "It'll have to be, won't it? Now go back home to mom and get ready for school. I don't want you to know anything else so they can't try to use you to find me." He sat stock still for a moment, watching me. "Go!" I growled, my voice a command.

He stood then, making his way to the door without ever looking back at me. "I'll miss you, Lee," the sadness in his voice threatening to pull the traitorous tears from my eyes again. I knew his heart was breaking, mine was already broken, in too many pieces to ever put back together again, but still the sharp edges of the pieces dug into my chest torturously.

"Just go, Seth," trying to leave the animal close to the surface and let that show through in my tone instead of the sadness as I watched him leave for probably the last time ever. I stood there for a long time after the door closed behind him, not thinking about anything more than breathing in and out and keeping my heart beating. After awhile, I realized the only thing left to do was leave.

I made my way to my room, grabbing a backpack from the hall closet and tossing only my favorite items inside: jeans, t-shirts, my second favorite pair of shoes, a couple of books, my dad's picture. Nothing else was coming with me. I had enough to weigh me down without the physical weight of luggage. Sliding on my favorite shoes and throwing the bag on my back, I walked out onto the porch, not even bothering to lock the door behind me. The rest of the pack could do what they wanted with anything I left behind, none of it mattered anymore. I was leaving it all behind for a reason. Too much of it was tainted, ruined by the things I was trying to leave behind.

I was running away from everything I ever had been without realizing that what I really had to deal with was coming with me, buried deep inside.


End file.
